Free will can be quite challenging. We have so many choices and endless options. And like so many things, it can be a double edged sword. We can make choices which improve our lives and those of others or we can make choices that can negatively impact our health and well being as well as others. Without it, however, we could never learn, improve, and grow. We have to experiment and find those things that serve us and those that don’t. And for the latter if they’re bad enough then hopefully we say “enough is enough” and we get sick and tired of being sick and tired and we no longer want to be stuck. And hopefully the catalyst to change doesn’t come too far down the line leading you to look back feeling you have wasted so much precious time.
There’s a song by The Eagles called Wasted Time and I think the lyrics are so poignant and speaks to this. It’s about a woman who was in a long relationship that came to an end and she looks back with a lot of regret.
Back out on the street
And you’re trying to remember, oh
How do you start it over
You don’t know if you can
You don’t care much for a stranger’s touch
But you can’t hold your man
You never thought you’d be alone
This far down the line
But I know what’s been on your mind
You’re afraid it’s all been wasted time
And rather than using this as an opportunity to get herself together and put this chapter behind her she is stuck in the muck dwelling on what could have been.
And I could have done so many things, baby
If I could only stop my mind
From wondering what I left behind
And from worrying about this wasted time
There’s a reason for the saying “live and learn.” You have to live life and take all that comes with it so you can figure out about what makes you tick, what can derail you, and how to emphasize much more of the former and far less of the latter. And this will ultimately entail struggle as there is no way to grow unless we periodically try new things and run the risk of failing and maybe even embarrassing ourselves.
As I often do, I find so much that I can apply from tennis to topics I write about. I have written before about how Heather and I host live ball sessions at our house on Monday and Wednesday nights. Monday nights are usually 10 to 12 people, 60% to 70% guys and 30% to 40% women. The players on average are decent but not that great. On the other hand, the group is incredibly fun to be around and everyone gets along really well so what we may be lacking in tennis ability is more than made up for by the wonderful time we have together.
On Wednesday nights, however, everything changes. There are typically 8 or 9 players of which maybe one or two are women, but wow can those women crush the ball. And the men are fantastic players as well as almost all of them played in college. So, overall, there is no comparison between the two groups. I am usually close to being the top player on Mondays and by far the worst player on Wednesdays. The only reason I get to play on Wednesdays is because it’s my court.
My experience is completely different as a result. The Monday night group is probably within 10 years of my age whereas Wednesday night is at least 25 years younger on average. I’m pretty relaxed and casual on Mondays and rarely feel super challenged. On Wednesdays, however, I have my moments of playing decently, particularly when hitting groundstrokes, but more often than not I am not just humbled, but at times embarrassed, especially by my poor net play.
I just don’t see the speed and power in my more typical doubles matches that I do with the Wednesday night crew. I am admittedly self-conscious that I’m dragging down the group at times but fortunately no one has ever expressed that concern to me or even shown it in their body language. Regardless, it is often a struggle for me as the futility can show far more than I would like.
And yet, despite feeling that way, I still intend to keep participating. It’s really not an ego thing at all or because I’m stubborn. It’s actually because when I now play with mere mortals, but still good players, my net game, volleys, and hand speed have improved so quickly and far beyond what I could have ever imagined. My level of effectiveness and competence at the net now is night and day. I feel so much more comfortable at the net and eager and excited to get balls hit to me and to be more aggressive poaching. Numerous people have commented at how fast my hands are and how well I am playing at the net which is extremely gratifying.
This transformation has occurred because I rarely see the kind of pace of the ball in these matches that I do on Wednesday nights. As a result, the game slows down for me and my ability to prepare and execute is so much easier. None of this would have been possible without the struggle and even embarrassment I experience on Wednesday nights, similar to what is communicated in the tweet at the beginning of this post.
I used to prefer playing singles much more than doubles but now I have changed to liking doubles more. I love having much more net action, having a partner, being able to use more angles and the doubles alley, as well as the social aspect. And I still get a good workout because there are many opportunities to run after balls.
I still want to play singles and have started to make a more concerted effort to play it at least once a week. I love the workout and having to rely completely on myself. In addition, it’s a great opportunity to train my mind and emotions to help improve my performance. Having played far more doubles than singles has definitely hurt my singles game as I don’t have the entire court available to me like I do in doubles and I have to serve a lot more, and my serve definitely needs work, particularly my second serve.
My Wednesday night experience has taught me to embrace the struggle as this is the only way I can improve. And regardless, the one thing I fortunately have going for me is that I am quite fast and incredibly determined to go after balls. This not only puts a lot of pressure on my opponents, as I can get balls back that most people can’t or choose not to even try, but it also gives me a great workout. And even though I may be falling short and losing, if I can at least have a great workout there is satisfaction related to that as well. And this is amplified by what I recently saw on X by health guru Dr. Andrew Huberman which makes me think that continuing to play singles has the potential to add quality years to my life as my game entails a lot of sprinting.
I have had many areas of my life where I have taken chances and fallen short but, over time, if I chose to embrace the struggle, try to learn from where I fell short, stick with it, not get too down on myself, and take great satisfaction in little victories and improvement, I have often found that my life has been immensely better in many ways. This includes relationships, health, finances, public speaking, writing, career advancement, and of course, tennis.
Embrace the struggle as without it there can never be any growth. Roger Federer only won 54% of his points and yet, that was enough to be one of the greatest tennis players of all time. He tried to learn from the other 46% and put them behind him to focus on the next point.
I encourage you to take more chances, understand that falling short, even to the point of mild embarrassment, is a sign of growth, and keep at it because when the improvement comes, you will feel immense satisfaction and want to exercise that muscle of courage more often.
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