This Is for All the Lonely People - Advice from The Rebbe

The third-ranked men’s tennis player is Alexander Zverev. He is a very consistent player who often goes deep into major tournaments but has yet to win one. He has been criticized for getting very tight under pressure and not having what it takes to win one of the four majors (the Australian Open, the French Open, Wimbledon, and the U.S. Open). Prior to losing last week in the first round at Wimbledon, this had not happened to him in a major since 2019. In the post-match press conference he was understandably dejected but what he discussed which I found most moving was how he was feeling off the court. After I read what he talked about I was pretty concerned.

Here are the specifics of what he said that were pretty concerning. I do admire his honesty and baring his soul because it’s clear he has a void in his life and is in pain. 

“I’m trying to find ways, trying to find ways to kind of get out of this hole. I keep kind of finding myself back in it in a way,” he said. “I feel, generally speaking, quite alone in life at the moment, which is a feeling that is not very nice.”

“It’s not a feeling on a tennis court, it’s just a life feeling in general. As I said, I never felt this way before. I don’t know. It’s difficult to find joy outside the tennis court for me at the moment,” the 28-year-old stated.

The number one female player in the world was concerned enough by what she heard that she encouraged Zverev to seek help. She said she was in therapy for five years and this helped her quite a bit but no longer needs it as she is surrounded by a team with whom she can share openly.

I bring Zverev’s situation to light because I recently signed up to receive weekly emails from Chabad.org related to the wisdom conveyed by the organization’s spiritual leader, The Lubavitcher Rebbe, Rabbi Menachem Mendel Schneerson. He passed away in 1994 and is considered not only one of the most influential Jewish leaders of the 20th century, but arguably in all of Jewish history. He was a remarkable man who catalyzed the Chabad movement by sending emissaries out around the world to open up synagogues and to bring local Jewish communities together. He wrote thousands of letters over his long life and last week was the first of the teachings using his letters. There are many books about him and countless articles from Jewish scholars regarding his teachings and wisdom.

Rabbi Menachem Mendel Schneerson – The Lubavitcher Rebbe

I bring this up because what I read from the first lesson that was sent out last week is not only universally helpful, but something that I would share with Zverev if I knew him. Here is an excerpt from what I received.

In a Canadian observatory in the year 1971, an astronomer watched a faraway star orbiting a massive object some sixteen hundred light-years away. The object itself remained invisible, but he could see that it mysteriously caused the star to wobble. After months spent ruling out various possibilities, it became clear that he was witnessing the elusive phenomenon known as a black hole. Scientists had been speculating about this theoretical possibility for decades—an object with a mass so dense that nothing, not even its own light, could escape its gravitational pull.

A few years after this discovery, Professor Herman Branover, a respected physicist in the field of solar energy, was scheduled to address a conference of scientists. Before he left for the conference, the Rebbe asked that his presentation include a life lesson that could be learned from the sun and black holes, and suggested the following:

The black hole turns everything inward, drawing all of its energy toward itself. The sun, on the other hand, radiates its energy outward, illuminating other beings in the solar system. If the sun heated only its own mass, who would pay any attention to it? It is upon us to emulate the sun’s example and turn our energy outward. We must make an effort to radiate our light and warmth to others.1

The Rebbe strongly encourages us to turn our energy, warmth, and strength to serve others. Since I was so interested in Zverev’s situation and I knew The Rebbe wrote so much over the years, I was wondering what his advice would be for Zverev. I turned to ChatGPT to see if it could provide advice from The Rebbe as if The Rebbe were writing a letter to Alexander Zverev addressing his predicament. Here is what it produced.

To Mr. Alexander Zverev
Greetings and Blessings,

I was informed of your recent comments expressing a feeling of loneliness, despite the success and recognition you have attained in your career. Allow me to commend your courage and honesty. To speak openly of an inner struggle, especially when one is in a position of visibility, is itself a sign of strength.

There is a teaching from our sages that “A person is never truly alone, for the soul is always in dialogue with its Source.” Still, when a person feels isolated, it is not something to be dismissed or suppressed. It is a signal from the soul that it seeks deeper connection — not merely with people, but with purpose.

Many believe that fame, achievement, or applause can fill the human heart. But the heart, being infinite in its depth, does not find fulfillment in what is finite. That is why even amidst crowds and acclaim, one may still feel alone.

What then is the remedy?

Firstly, transform loneliness into a mission. The very fact that you feel the void means you are capable of filling it — not just for yourself, but for others. You have been granted a platform. Use it not only to win matches, but to lift souls. A kind word to someone unseen, a gesture of compassion, or simply sharing part of your journey to inspire others — these are victories of the highest kind.

Secondly, build within yourself a sanctuary of spirit. Set aside just a few moments each day for something eternal — to study a teaching of wisdom, to utter a short prayer, or to reflect on the blessings you do have and how they can be shared. These moments become anchors in the storm and light in the stillness.

Thirdly, surround yourself with people who reflect back to you your soul — not your image. Seek friends who challenge you toward growth, who see in you not only a player or public figure, but a person created with a Divine spark and unique mission in this world.

Do not wait until you feel whole to begin giving to others. Often, it is precisely through giving that one becomes whole.

May you be blessed with true inner peace, the kind that is not dependent on trophies or rankings, but comes from knowing you are fulfilling your unique purpose in this world.

With blessings for strength, light, and meaningful connection,

[Signature: M. M. Schneerson]

If anyone knows Alexander Zverev, please pass this on. And for anyone reading this who feels similarly, please absorb The Rebbe’s powerful advice and turn without. Connect with others in service and whatever spiritual force can stir your soul and move you deeply.

When Roneet passed away some people were never sure if they should reach out as they didn’t know what to say, how I might react, what state of mind I would be in, etc. The lesson I learned from that experience was the following:

When in doubt, reach out.

I appreciate everyone who made an effort to communicate with me. It meant so much. This in no way meant that I felt any negativity towards those who did not as this was absolutely not the case. It’s just that I felt such gratitude towards those who did. And just as I’m sure it was not easy for those people to reach out to me during my time of incredible grief and pain, they still did it and I think they felt better for having done so. 

It’s really incumbent upon us when we are turned within and consumed by our own problems and loneliness that we too reach out to others. It’s never easy and for many of us doing so is outside of our comfort zone, but that’s the point. It’s often our comfort zones that can get us into ruts and keep us there so we need to take counteraction to generate positive momentum away from the gravitational pull of our self-centeredness and atrophied state. We can exercise to stimulate the production of endorphins and/or reach out to others so we’re not alone. The most powerful counteraction we can take, and one I think The Rebbe would strongly encourage, is to do acts of service to connect us with others and show how our lives matter and that we can really make a difference.

We didn’t ask to be born and yet we were. It’s up to us to figure out what that reason is by homing in on our special gifts that we can bring to others so that we can do our part to bring healing, hope, and joy. And if we’re successful, then just maybe we can leave the world a little better than we found it.

I hope you had a wonderful 4th of July.