Jacob's Incredible 30-Year Milestone

In 1995, I had been working at CWS for nearly eight years and had been married for six. One day, while I was in the office, I was interrupted from a meeting and told that my wife needed to talk to me. I picked up the phone and, and she said that our babysitter had called her at work, telling her that our son Jacob, who had recently turned two, was not feeling well and was just not himself. He was disoriented, irritable, and he had vomited. We had just had the house painted so we thought perhaps he had a bad reaction to the fumes. To be safe she said they were going to take him to the hospital after calling 911. After meeting her at the hospital she was a little peeved as she said the paramedics were a bit dismissive to her saying she was being an overprotective parent and that he was fine. 

Jacob was examined in the emergency room where his vitals were taken, including measuring his blood oxygen level. They couldn’t find anything wrong with him so they released him. His pediatrician said she wanted to see Jacob before we returned home. We took him to her where she also examined him and made sure he could walk, which he did. She too released him but said for us to watch him closely to make sure there were no signs of deterioration.

As the day progressed into early evening Jacob’s condition seemed to worsen. He became more irritable, he was having a harder time walking, he wanted to be held all of the time, and we noticed a very slight droop from the corner of his mouth. We reached out to the on-call pediatrician and he said for us to take Jacob to CHOC, which is Children’s Hospital of Orange County, and that he would meet us there. 

Jacob was admitted to the emergency room and they ordered a CT scan of his brain. While we were waiting anxiously in the room I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around to see whose it was and it was the pediatrician. He had a concerned look on his face and the first thing he said was “They found something.” My heart sank. It turned out that Jacob had a very significant stroke. And while for most people this would be mind boggling that a two year old could have a stroke, I distinctly recalled when I was in kindergarten that one of my classmates had one as well so that was my first introduction to strokes, not from an elderly family member, but from a peer at around age 5. And despite this history, nothing could have prepared me for the devastation of it happening to my child.

We came to learn that the stroke was caused by a very rare and highly aggressive autoimmune response to Jacob having contracted chickenpox from a couple of weeks earlier. The response was so intense that his antibodies formed a clot that led to the stroke on the right side of his brain which impacted the left side of his body. 

They admitted Jacob to CHOC’s Pediatric ICU. His condition worsened as he started to weaken physically and cognitively. And from a scene that could have been out of the show ER, the medical staff started moving very fast and raising their voices. Something was going on and Roneet and I didn’t know what it was other than we knew it was not good. The doctor in charge told everyone to leave the room except for Roneet and I as he needed to talk with us immediately. He said that Jacob’s brain was starting to swell and that they had to intubate him and induce a coma so they could drain the fluid from his brain. They had a very talented neurosurgeon on staff who could do the procedure but they needed our consent right away. There was no time to deliberate or discuss. We had to put our faith and Jacob’s life in their hands so we signed it and they went right to work. 

We were obviously In shock and frightened. I was 28 and definitely had no life experience to equip me for such a situation. It was challenging enough becoming a father at 26, let alone dealing with a life or death situation for my son.  And while deep down I had faith that somehow, someway Jacob would pull through, objectively I had no way of knowing if my faith would be misplaced. And if he did make it, how would he be cognitively and physically? Dr. Kim (I still remember his name) went ahead and performed the procedure. Jacob was put into a coma and he was able to drain the fluid. Now it would be a matter of whether time would be our friend or enemy. Would he come out of the coma? How long would it take? What condition would he be in? 

The swelling started to subside and his vital signs were improving which was very encouraging. Now we just needed signs he was coming out of the coma, his cognition was there, and how much physical impairment there was and whether it was temporary or permanent. Jacob and his stuffed animal Doggy were inseparable and Doggy was always with him in the hospital as well. I still vividly remember Jacob’s mom Roneet constantly talking to Jacob while Doggy was next to him and telling him that he had to pull through, he was going to make it, we’re not going to let anything happen to him. She told me that she felt a deep connection to him as if they were on another plane or dimension and she could connect to his soul. She kept praying and passing on her powerful intentions and energy to Jacob. She wasn’t alone in her prayers for Jacob. We also got word that people from many places were praying for him as well, including a Native American tribe in New Mexico. We welcomed all forms of positivity and prayer, no matter the faith.

After three or four days we finally started to see some signs of life and movement from Jacob. I remember the very dynamic and handsome ER doctor, Nick Anas, making his rounds and coming into Jacob’s room with his very strong and positive voice belting, “Hi Jacob. How are you buddy?” He was doing his best to charm Jacob out of his coma and into consciousness with his infectious voice and enthusiasm. And while it may not have worked initially on Jacob he definitely lifted the spirits of Roneet and I.

In addition to Doggy, Jacob also had a stuffed animal of Thomas the Tank Engine. One of the visitors took Thomas in his hand and he told Jacob to kick Thomas which, to our utter shock and amazement, he did! We couldn’t believe it. We were elated and we now had the sign we were looking for that he would make it. This was the first tangible sign of improvement and after that point he started making great strides such that after eight days in the PICU, he was transferred to the pediatric wing of the hospital where he stayed for another six days before being released. 

We knew he was going to have a very challenging road ahead in terms of physical and occupational therapy. And while he was lucky that he was right-handed, Jacob would still be impacted by the impairments the stroke left him on the left side of his body. He had a very difficult time walking due to significant weakness in his left leg and he had very little fine motor movement in his left hand. We also didn’t know what would happen to his speech or his cognition. 

Encouragingly, early on, there was a neurologist that was part of Jacob’s care team and he expressed great optimism that, given Jacob’s age and the ability for the brain to rewire at such an early stage of development, he was very hopeful for his long-term outlook. He added to my sense of faith that Jacob would pull through and live a productive life.

After he returned home it took a village to coordinate Jacob’s medical care and therapy appointments. Roneet quarterbacked this and she did this, like everything she cared deeply about, with all of her heart and soul. Her commitment to Jacob was extraordinary. She was the most devoted and fiercely committed person I have ever known and Jacob was the recipient of her love and devotion. She arranged all of his therapies and ensured that he was there every day and on time even though she worked full-time at Nordstrom. Roneet often proved the old adage that if you want something done, then give it to a busy person. 

Roneet, Ariella, Jacob and Gary

In addition to all of his medical needs, Jacob also required a lot of tutoring and special schooling to make sure he was optimally situated and taught to adjust to his special learning needs. Roneet made sure he completed all of his homework and was prepared for all of his tests and had the resources he needed to help him succeed. She had the patience of Job, something for which I sadly lack. 

After numerous surgeries, countless hours of tutoring, and support from his mother, Jacob has handled the challenges he’s been faced with incredibly admirably and successfully. It’s now been 30 years since he had his stroke, which took place on May 23, 1995. Jacob played on his high school basketball team. He went to college in Connecticut, earned a degree in Sports Management, and he made lifelong friends there. After college he went on to coach basketball and earn a graduate degree in Coaching and Sports Administration. He recently transitioned his career into the insurance industry hoping to bring the same commitment he showed his players to help mentor and develop them to his insurance clients. He has been trying to build a book of business while also obtaining certain securities licenses in order to be able to offer more financial solutions to his customers.

Jacob is a very well adjusted, happy, resilient person who brings a lot of positivity wherever he goes and with whomever he interacts. He has been a really good friend, a great son, and he has worked on becoming a better brother (we all have areas upon which we can improve 🙂). He has inspired me and so many others, particularly those who are facing their own set of challenges. 

Congratulations Jacob. I am so proud of you!