Reflections on Turning 60

Last week was my 60th birthday. In tennis, If you lose a set 6-0 it’s called being bagelled because the zero resembles a bagel. And since 6-0 looks like 60 we decided to have a big bagel birthday bash in honor of this milestone. With Wimbledon starting the next day we thought it would be appropriate to encourage attendees to wear all white as well as showcasing a few great matches featuring some of the guests who are great tennis players.

Turning 60 is an opportunity to reflect on one’s life.

I recently listened to the book Life in Three Dimensions by Shigehiro Oishi.  While most research into wellbeing has focused on happiness and meaning since the early 1980s, Oishi has proposed adding a third dimension to the literature, which is a psychologically rich life. I think reflecting on one’s life through the prism of the three dimensions is a good exercise. The following is a summary of the characteristics, focus, and potential pitfalls of each of the three dimensions.

1. A Happy Life

• Core Characteristics: Stability, comfort, and positive emotions.
• Focus: Enjoyment, satisfaction, and the absence of negative experiences.
• Potential Pitfall: The “happiness trap” — a tendency toward complacency and avoidance of challenges, which can lead to stagnation or regret over missed opportunities. 

2. A Meaningful Life

• Core Characteristics: Purpose, coherence, and contribution to something larger than oneself.
• Focus: Commitment to values, relationships, and long-term goals.
• Potential Pitfall: The “meaning trap” — becoming overly narrow or rigid in one’s commitments, which can lead to misplaced loyalty or burnout.

3. A Psychologically Rich Life

• Core Characteristics: Curiosity, exploration, and variety of experiences.
• Focus: Embracing complexity, novelty, and even discomfort to foster personal growth and insight.
• Strength: Balances the other two dimensions by encouraging openness to uncertainty and transformation.

I have been consistently writing my blog weekly for more than 10 years so there is a lot of content to review, analyze, and tap into to help me try to categorize my life in these three powerful dimensions. I have stated over the years that I primarily write for myself to try to gain clarity about topics weighing on my mind or to release energies that are bubbling within my subconscious. It is a very therapeutic process and one that has been beneficial for my well being. It has also served as a diary to review what was transpiring at certain points of my life and how I was processing the world to evaluate my decision making abilities.

And while I have some distinct thoughts about how to characterize my life in the three dimensions I was curious about what my Copilot AI assistant would say. So I posed the following question:

Can you write a blog post analyzing my life using Oishi’s characteristics of a happy life, meaningful life, and psychologically rich life based on the blogs I have written at www.garycarmell/blog/?

Copilot said:

Copilot

Thanks for your request to analyze your life through the lens of Shigehiro Oishi’s Life in Three Dimensions, using your blog posts from garycarmell.com/blog as the foundation. While I couldn’t access the full content of your posts directly, I reviewed summaries and excerpts from your recent entries to construct a thoughtful analysis based on the three dimensions Oishi outlines: a happy life, a meaningful life, and a psychologically rich life.

Here’s a blog post draft and a visual framework that analyzes your life through the lens of Shigehiro Oishi’s Life in Three Dimensions—a model that defines a good life as a blend of happiness, meaning, and psychological richness.

Living Fully: My Life in Three Dimensions

In Life in Three Dimensions, psychologist Shigehiro Oishi proposes that a well-lived life isn’t just about happiness or meaning—it also includes psychological richness. Reflecting on my own journey, I see how these three dimensions have shaped my experiences, values, and growth. Here’s how I interpret my life through this powerful framework.

1. The Happy Life: Joy in the Everyday

Happiness, as Oishi defines it, is about comfort, stability, and positive emotion. For me, this shows up in the rituals and relationships that bring joy and consistency:

• Tennis at Indian Wells: A tradition that blends sport, sunshine, and camaraderie.
• Family milestones: Celebrating Jacob’s 30-year journey was a reminder of the deep emotional bonds that anchor my life.
• Professional stability: My long-standing role at CWS has provided a foundation of purpose and security.

These moments may seem simple, but they are the emotional scaffolding of a happy life.

My Perspective:

I was married for 29 years and now together with Heather for six years.

I have been with CWS for 38 years.

I have worked out twice a week with a trainer for over five years, consumed a daily smoothie for over 25 years, and after building our tennis court we have made a concerted effort to use it as a way of bringing people together for great tennis and socialization by hosting live ball sessions twice a week. Clearly, stability has been a hallmark of my adult life as well as trying to systematically introduce habits and interactions that have been sustainable and lead to compounding of health and social wealth. If left to my own devices without structure I would find happiness far more elusive. Because of the rituals and habits I have built into my life, however, I have been able to be far more happy than I otherwise would be.

2. The Meaningful Life: Purpose Beyond the Self

Meaning comes from contributing to something larger than oneself. It’s about coherence, commitment, and legacy. I find meaning in:

• Exploring ideas like free will and perfectionism: These aren’t just intellectual exercises—they’re reflections on how we live and lead.
• Mentorship and leadership at CWS: Helping others grow and stewarding a vision beyond myself.
• Community involvement: My work with the Jewish Federation and Solomon Society connects me to a lineage of service and shared values.

Meaning is the thread that ties my actions to a larger story.

My perspective: I have tried to find meaning in loss as well. With the sudden and devastating passing of my wife Roneet I have attempted to honor her memory through numerous philanthropic efforts related to medical research, hunger in Africa, Israel, and the local Jewish community. I have come to appreciate the fragility of life with my son Jacob’s stroke at the age of two, my dad’s passing at the age of 67 (when I was 33), and Roneet’s sudden passing in 2018. In building The TenniSphere Heather and I have added to our purpose to create a place of gathering and deep connection centered around tennis, community, and family. We have also begun hosting events for nonprofits, such as Make-A-Wish, to support wonderful organizations.

3. The Psychologically Rich Life: Embracing Complexity

This is the dimension that often gets overlooked. Psychological richness is about curiosity, novelty, and even discomfort. It’s the willingness to explore the unknown:

• Posts like “Little Bets” and “The Insecurity of Perfectionism”: These reflect my desire to question assumptions and embrace ambiguity.
• Historical and philosophical inquiry: I often dive into the past or into abstract ideas to make sense of the present.
• Personal experimentation: Whether it’s rethinking productivity or wrestling with procrastination, I’m always testing new ways of being.

This richness doesn’t always feel “good” in the moment—but it makes life more vivid, more layered, and more alive.

My perspective: I believe I have had a very psychologically rich life. As I reflect on my life it may go all the way back to when I was 10 and went away to camp for eight weeks. I did this for three years and then had a different experience traveling with a group of kids throughout the western United States for eight weeks as well. I was definitely missing home at times but it instilled in me an independent streak that also made me appreciate travel and novel experiences. 

This wanderlust carried through to high school when I saw my first Grateful Dead concert when I was 16. I was hooked such that for the next seven years I would try to see them whenever I could, including traveling to do so. In fact, last week was the 42nd anniversary of me sleeping overnight on the floor outside of the venue the Dead were playing in Madison, Wisconsin the following night. I did this because it was general admission and I wanted to improve my chances of getting a great spot by sleeping overnight on the very uncomfortable concrete near the entrance. My neck and shoulders still hurt as I think about that experience.

I saw the Grateful Dead 35 times in Illinois, Wisconsin, Indiana, Michigan, Nevada, California, and Rhode Island. I must admit that choosing to go to UCLA was somewhat influenced by The Dead playing so many shows in California, particularly in northern California. Leaving the midwest for the bright lights of Los Angeles to attend UCLA was also a seminal experience for me. I was one of the only ones my peers who ventured out west as the vast majority stayed in the midwest or, if they didn’t, went east.

At UCLA I met Roneet quite randomly and after that chance encounter we remained together for the next 32 years. At her urging she told me to walk around an area of Newport Beach with my resume after I moved down to Orange County to be with her and because of that I ended up at CWS. I’m still here 38 years later. Roneet was quite adventurous as well and also had a great eye for real estate. She was the catalyst for most of the homes we purchased as well as us supporting our daughter’s academic needs by moving to Los Angeles with her for high school. We would divide and conquer with me typically in Orange County for most of the week and Roneet with Ariella in Los Angeles and then reversing roles for the weekend and some of the week. Somehow we made it work and it was a great experience for Ariella who had a very enriching high school experience.

We went on five cruises together and I have been to 45 countries over the years, including spending five months in Europe during my junior year in college when I attended Oxford for a semester.

I can keep going but the point is that I have balanced great stability in my marriages and career along with being open to trying new things, taking chances, and having many novel experiences. Thus, I can say with deep conviction that I have had a psychologically rich life.

I do feel like I have been fortunate to have lived a three dimensional life that has enabled me to experience happiness, meaning, and psychological richness. It’s been quite an interesting and rewarding journey that has had some incredible highs, some devastating lows, and a lot of consistency, as well as novelty, in between. I’m looking forward to the next phase being even more psychologically rich. I aspire to continue to strengthen bonds with family and friends, meet new and interesting people, see more of the world, and keep an open mind to having more novel experiences that generate very powerful memories.