Remembering Not To Cry Over Spilled Milk

Last week I participated in what we call our State of the Company meetings. I was in Austin, San Antonio, Houston, Dallas, Denver, and Phoenix. Seattle had to be postponed because of the grounding of Boeing Max 9 planes. Alaska Airlines was particularly impacted by this and this has led to the cancellation of a number of flights. As a result, we couldn’t make our scheduled trip there.

This was the first set of in-person meetings we have held since 2020. Prior to this, I had participated in these meetings every year since 1995. While it can be taxing physically, it’s also extremely energizing and rewarding to connect with our associates. I’m really glad that we decided to re-engage in person this year versus doing it virtually.

Prior to our first meeting in Austin, I was having breakfast at my hotel and reading from my tablet at the table. A restaurant worker came by, and she asked me if I was finished, and I said that I was. She started removing my plate and a flimsy, styrofoam bowl that only had some milk remaining as I finished my cereal. I had my tablet open, and unfortunately, she didn’t have a firm handle on the bowl, and it tipped over, and some of the milk spilled on my tablet. I have a cover protecting it, and while it was open, it turned out that milk only spilled on the left inside cover and hardly touched the tablet screen. The woman was understandably apologetic. I admittedly was a bit annoyed at first, but believe me, I have made many bigger mistakes, some of which have been very much on the dumb side, so who was I to judge? She brought me some napkins and I wiped the milk off and then went up to my room to gather my things before checking out.

I had a few minutes to kill in my room, and I was doing some email and reading news while sitting on the bed. To my surprise, the phone rang, which is something I’m not used to when staying in hotels these days. It was a woman’s voice, and she said she was calling from the kitchen and told me that one of her employees had come in to tell her what happened with the tablet, and she was calling to see how they could compensate me. I was so surprised, pleasantly so, that she called me that I said everything was fine, there is no need for compensation, and that I very much appreciated the offer. 

After hanging up the phone a lot of thoughts were going through my mind. The first was how impressed I was and how much I respected the woman for telling her supervisor what had happened. It’s not always easy to admit you’ve done something that may have caused damage, especially if you think your job may be at risk. For that alone, I had no idea or intention to take advantage of the situation. The tablet to me is worth far less than her job is to her, so there is no way I would seek anything that may reflect poorly on her and contribute to any risk to her employment. And, equally important, I never asked the woman because I only really thought about it after I hung up the phone, but I wanted to know how she knew I was the person whose tablet had milk spilled on it? I never showed an ID or said my name. I have to think that maybe they looked at camera footage of people going in rooms (assuming they have that?) and showed it to the worker, and she identified me. I’m still really not sure as I continue to think about it.

How she tracked me down. I was so impressed by how they went the extra mile to try to right what they saw as a wrong.

As a result, it is extremely important, and helpful, to let the appropriate people know when something has gone wrong. It’s not easy and may require great courage at times, but I know I really appreciate hearing about issues sooner rather than later because I want my team members to feel they have enough trust in me that I will listen and avoid reacting and they can tap into me to be part of the solution before it has spun out of control.

Training ourselves to do our best to avoid outwardly reacting and striving for compassionate listening is so valuable.

I have made a concerted effort to cultivate greater patience, self-compassion, and thoughtful responses versus emotional reactions in as many daily activities as possible. This requires a much greater and heightened mindfulness to use my experiences as laboratories and teaching moments to cultivate these helpful behaviors. This could be standing in line, listening to someone who is not getting to the point, driving more patiently and being in less of a hurry, not rushing even if I’m running late, and constantly reminding myself of the risk-reward of hurrying versus the potential of being a little late but far more calm and clear-headed.

I have written a lot about how tennis has really helped me become more patient and forgiving, as there is very little upside and a great deal of downside to carrying over my self-flagellation into future points. The same thing can be said for my disappointment with how we were less prepared than I would have liked in terms of the Fed’s rapid interest rate increases on our cash flow. It doesn’t do our investors or employees any good to beat myself up over it consistently as this won’t lead to a thoughtful response and plan to navigate through these challenges.

Interestingly, one area that has helped me become more patient and forgiving is sudoku, as odd as that may sound. When I first started competing against others, I would get very amped up and feel even a little nervous when I saw who I was competing against, what country they were from, and their achievement level. And if I got off to a slow start I would get even more nervous and insecure that I was falling behind and I would lose. And if I made a mistake, particularly a careless one, I would get so mad at myself that I would lose my focus and composure and lessen my chances of winning.

As I played more and realized that there was no upside to rushing, that mistakes would happen, even dumb ones, but if I could remain calm, focused, and accepting of my setbacks, and that I had no control over my competitors’ performance, my success would greatly improve. Going into my third month of play, levels reset after the close of a month. It’s amazing how rapidly I have progressed. I have reached the same level as last month while competing in 80% fewer battles. And while, of course, this progress has been aided by playing more and gaining more experience, the most important change, without question, is how calm I am from the very beginning to the end, even if mistakes occur. What is especially interesting and satisfying is that when I am doing a particularly difficult puzzle in which I am literally frozen because I am unable to make any material progress while my competitor is blazing right through, I have found that doing very little in those situations and accepting my predicament has actually led to victories because my opponent is going much faster and some tend to make three mistakes, which results in losing the battle. 

If you were to ask me what was one of the greatest lessons learned from my most recent trip I would give you a cliche answer. And that is don’t cry over spilled milk. Things happen and almost all of the time we have probably made similar mistakes or ones with more negative consequences. Deal with the issue as soon as practical, remain calm, keep a clear head, and don’t let your reactions and emotions subsume you.

I am very thankful for the restaurant worker in Austin and the important lessons the spilling of the milk reminded me.